Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Why can't Stevie wonder see his friends?... Cause he's married!! 
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster!
Multi billion dollar nba can't fix the damm AC in time for the finals.....serious!
There are two things I cannot stand: Racism and Justin Bieber.
According to the study that I never have done, alcohol consumption by stay at home Mom's goes up 500% when school gets let out for the summer.
I like to throw hostesses off by shooting back at them with, "Do I look Native American?" after they ask me if I have a reservation.
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn't made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
Those of you who like food pictures, have you never been in a supermarket?
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
If you can moonwalk out of a police station without bumping into anything they have to drop all charges.
Obama 'I don't believe military intervention in Syria is the right move for America at this moment'.. In other News..No oil found in Syria
I died for your sins. Now suck my ding dong! -Jesus
[Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper] "Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?"
My safe word is, "gross"
Excuse me sir; you left your weird Jesus pamphlet on your bus seat. Oh yeah? Well here's a revelation for you: that's called littering.
I just went to the sperm bank but I left. Too many jerkoffs.
I know what you did 23 summers ago - Women
We have great chemistry and amazing physics.
Justin Bieber has changed his name, at least on Instagram, to "Bizzle" apparently in order to up his "street cred". Why can't Bieber just up his street cred like rappers do and get shot? 