Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.

   I thought my life was miserable until I saw yours.

   Gf: are you crying right now? Me: *hides Adele's new album* what? hell no. Real men don't cry babe.

   You can't fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight destiny then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too.

   There are too many functionally illiterate people in the world.

   Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?

   White Privilege is how Willy Nelson got his assets seized for owing $15 million and Al Sharpton visits the White House while owing $19 MIllion... OH WAIT!

   The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober

   Vaping is becoming so popular, I heard Jihadi Johny gave it a try today.. and I'll bet it works so good for him that he'll never smoke another cigarette..

   "Update the force, Luke"....... *Adobe Wan Kenobi

   a good woman will always forgive you when she's wrong

      In honor of it being Friday the 13th, whenever I hear a strange noise, I'm going to investigate it braless, and wearing cute panties.

   'If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

   Drop Dead Gorgeous females... Just because we want to hang out with you, doesn't mean we wanna bang you. It just means we're looking to expand our small circle of friends, and you seem like you would be a worthy candidate. No need to be stuck up.

   Officer that's a medicinal hooker I swear !

   Im starting to get alarmed at the rate which Facebook keeps bringing up things from my past

   BEER BATTERED FISH: Still don't understand how beating it with a can of beer makes it taste any better.

   Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.

   Don't roll your eyes at me. We aren't married yet.

   No one knows you better than your browser.