Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I wonder if, Wes Craven died in his sleep....Or did he go out with a Scream?

   I once took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name

   My Uber driver almost crashed twice. 5 stars. Very exciting.

   Happy 35th Birthday Pac-Man!

   My wife and I got a book on how to spice up our love life. One suggestion was to make love in a car wash. It was great but it really pissed off those people doing their church fund raiser.

   Why hasn't Head and Shoulders shampoo come out with a body wash called "Knees and Toes"?

   I haven't heard anything about Farmville lately. Did those guys sell out to Monsanto?

   Funny how you don't see Oprah or Bigfoot in the same room.

   I'd have sex with Martha Stewart just for the amazing breakfast she would make the next morning.

   Men are problem solvers, women are problem creators...

   "Welcome to Costco, I love you."

   I got in touch with my feminine side today by burning a house down over a text message

   When reality comes knocking, I make tequila answers the door.

   Retail Stores: "It's September 1st! Time to put out all the Christmas crap...."

   Summer is almost over... All you half naked bit$hes gonna have to find a personality soon.

   Kim Davis says war has been declared on traditional marriage. Still unclear is which of her four marriages is under attack. Or her multiple affairs while being married. Cons...lol

   Be thankful your GPS doesn't get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”

   I don't "drink". I expedite my bedtime.

   According to my Magic Watch you're not wearing any Panties,. Oh You Are Wearing Panties. Well Then It must be running 15 min fast.

   At work since 6am, awake since 7am.