Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   By the power vested in me... I now pronounce me going to sleep

   "Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West"

   "What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter"

   "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free" -

   Earlier this year I saw "The Theory of Everything" - loved it. Should've been called "Look Who's Hawking", that's my only criticism"

   "If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go"

   Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't"

   I throw small pieces of bread at your duck face selfies

   I'm sorry I'm so emotional bro. It came with these skinny jeans and selfie stick.

   I just deleted all the German contacts from my phone. It's now Hans free

   The saying goes, there's someone out there for everyone. Maybe your someone is way out there, on another planet. . .

   But seriously guys, ,,,, almost every time I've had cake I've eaten it, too.....................so

   So now that oil is so cheap,,,, maybe we should start drilling for black printer ink.

   So remember, ,, for every action,,,,, there is an equal and opposite social media overreaction

   I like to peel all of the labels off of my pill bottles and just write "surprise me" on them.

   What's the inside temperature of a Tauntaun? Luke warm.

   People that use abbreviations like ppl, wyd, hmu, and idk – what do you do with all that time you saved?

   Happy National Dog Day to all da bitches.

   Its national dogs day, weird its also the day they were allowed to start voting

   With no power comes no responsibility... (During a power outage)