Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   There is never just one reality, we each have our own version.

   A lot of capes at the hair salon. Hard to tell who's a superhero and who's not

   Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.

   I like my women like I like my golf scores. In the 80s with a slight handicap.

   Ronda Rousy has challenged Bill Cosby to see who can knock out a woman faster.

   Co-workers not loving my Lenny Kravitz impersonation.

   Me and my girlfriend, ,, sitting in a tree A-R-G-U-I-N-G

   Instead of buying all my kids' school supplies, I just bought a Staples store. Saved like four grand.

   I took a train home. Now I don't know how to get it back on the rails...

   Kinda sucks Cinderella had to end up with someone who couldn't remember what her face looked like.

   Learned something new today. If you tell a girl she's a 6, she'll make up the other 4 in bed

   Don't be sad.. Someone, somewhere.. Is finding out right now they have herpes.

   One assault charge and all of a sudden you're not wife material anymore.

   I'm getting really tired of having to remind my wife she's happily married.

   Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.

   I never knew my mechanic was pshchic until he told me I blew a tranny in my car.

   Of all the things I learned in High School, how to hide an erection has proven to be the most beneficial in my career.

   This hooker is acting like this is the first time anyone has ever pulled a gun on her. What a newb.

   A blow job a day keeps the "YOU SPENT HOW MUCH?!?!" away.

   A blow job is just like a regular job excpet men love coming to it.