Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "OMG, Have you heard the news?" "Yeah, they totally carried Huey Louis"

   Coffe so black it wants to start looting.

   If Timehop is good for one thing, it's to remind me that I peaked a few years ago...

   Coffee so black it drop out of high school

   National Running Day was a success. Ran to the fridge then back to the couch. Whew! I'm exhausted.

   According to my Timehop, I drank a lot on this day in 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011...

   Coffee so bitter it blocked me on Facebook.

   meets girl for coffee* *sets down blueprints for bank* "What's this?" Your dating profile said you were looking for a partner in crime..

   The Grateful Dead are putting out an 80-disc live performance box set. No word yet on which Grateful Dead song it will be....

   We now return to PAWN STARS: How much can I get for this genuine 100 dollar bill.... The best I can do is $25..... Thinks for 5 minutes.... Deal

   They praise and call Brice brave for changing into a woman. They hail it as an achievement. This world has really gone to the dogs. I remember a time when bravery was risking your life fighting against the Nazi. Achievement was landing on the moon.

   Education is important but happy hour is importanter.

   Sepp Blatter is being investigated by FBI regarding his illicit relationship with Bruce Jenner.

   Coffee so strong I see noises.

   Today is National Cheese Day! So let us each take a moment and pray for all the hapless imbeciles in the world who foolishly ask "Would you like that with Cheese?"

   I like my wine like I like my men, inside me.

   My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.

   Yes officer I know it seems like a lot for personal use.

   "For the record I made women from men before it was cool." - GOD

   My neighbours sex sounded so good I made them a Sandwich..