Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "I bet you $50 I can come on the cab driver's neck before we get there" *Things to say on your phone in a taxi that will cut your drive time in half*

   My dad hasn't called with a computer problem in over 48 hours. I'm sending my brother over there to check on them.

   Kanye West only accepted the role of Santa Claus after the director agreed to change the script so that the kids all asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

   I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.

   Never trust a girl who has her own face set as the background of her phone.

   Who wants to see a picture of my toasted bagel with cream cheese. . .

   Kanye West thinks he will win the fight between pacman and Mayweather

   Let's see if Bruce Jenner remains a Republican once he starts making 77 cents on the dollar.

   Could you just make my paycheck out to the liquor store? Thanks.

   Personal log: "We are not even close."... *-Romans building Rome, end of day 1

   "Hey, no budging in line" - Prince Harry

   Everyone is watching the fight tonight, and I'm over here loading Rocky into the DVD player a $100 richer #winning

   The saying goes "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all."....Well I guess today will be another silent day for me.

   Not every trophy wife is first place...

   What did God say when he caught Eve swimming in the river?...I ain't never gonna get the smell out of them fish!

   She lost me at,"Mayweather."

   According to Monster.com there is a ton of openings in the Baltimore department tourism.

   Me, to wife: "I don't need a shopping list, I can remember." * Returns from grocery store with portrait of Abe Vigoda and a yak. *

   The Earth revolves around the Sun at a speed of 18.5 miles/sec and spins on its axis at 1,040 mph. So yeah, I got some exercise today.

   I bet I can hold my breath longer than you. In fact, I bet you can't hold my breath at all.