Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Your car took up two spaces,, So I tried to move it over with my key.

   [flashlight to face]... When we were young, we only had a few TV channels... *all the kids gasp*... And there was no wifi... *4 kids puke and 2 faint*

   If you want to get into a race debate, OK, I'll start one.... Why is Tony Stewart allowed back in NASCAR?

   If I thought President Obma should serve two more terms in office, than I'd be on crack just like Obama is.

   You know what is worse than the riots in Baltimore......... Another Paul Blart movie.

   "Oh, this old thing?" - my cat showing me his butt hole..

   I have an idea for a new movement. Call it “People Against People Against People.” Basically, we’d go around protesting anyone who is discriminating against someone else. Race, religion, political views, it doesn't matter. If you have protesters and

   and you feel they are being discriminatory, you give us a call and we’ll be right over with signs and bullhorns to protest their protest. We can even have a slogan: “Hey you, Stop that!”

   No one can name one thing Obama has done to make our lives better.

   When people ask where I live I always say by the sword.

   I don't want to say I'm out of shape, but I can't even jog my memory without breaking a sweat.

   I'd like to give that Baltimore mom 10 min alone with Congress and a wooden spoon.

   Upon learning how old I am, a 5 year old named "Braxten" told me I was "really old," so I whispered in his ear, "at least I have a real name"

   My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"

   Has anyone checked whether cows really have 4 stomachs? Because it kinda sounds like a lie a cow made up once to get more food

   I really like compliments but I don't want anyone talking to me...

   *Putting kids toys together* WIFE: Stick it in the other hole. ME: Why didn't you tell me that 5 years ago?

   Whatever low batter indicator. You aren't the bos

   10 year old son: What was it like? ME: What was what like? SON: Being alive in the 1900's? ME: Go to your room.

   n't it ironic how life starts sucking at the exact same time that you wake up every day?