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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Tell me I drink too much so I can drink about that too.
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03-31-2015 13:35 by
Baddie
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According to my bloodshot eyes I'm not approachable today
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03-31-2015 14:03 by
Psycho
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A friend in need is a friend in NOPE
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03-31-2015 14:05
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Don't walk in front of me, I may not lead. Don't walk behind me, I may not follow, Don't walk beside me either. Just get the hell away from me. Creep!
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03-31-2015 16:25
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There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
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03-31-2015 16:27
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My first attempt as body piercing was the time I tried to squat with spurs on.
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03-31-2015 16:28
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It's like my daddy used to always say, "GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM AND LET SOMEONE ELSE HAVE A TURN! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THERE ANYWAY?"
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03-31-2015 16:31
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It's always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor's newspaper that's the best time to do it.
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03-31-2015 16:33
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I love when people comment on my winter weather from warm climates... "It's 80 here" and your inside on the Internet? Losers always lose
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03-31-2015 19:44 by
L
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Looking at how successful all the Kardashian women are, I don't blame Bruce Jenner at all...
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03-31-2015 21:34 by
eengrms
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Keeping your job is the new raise
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04-01-2015 02:05
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I slept like a log last night. Woke up this morning in the fireplace.
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04-01-2015 09:06
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My foot went to sleep in my team meeting yesterday, which wasn't a big deal until it started snoring.
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04-01-2015 10:11
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You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
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04-01-2015 14:22
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Keeping a roll of Oreos down the front of your pants assures your blind date will be pleasantly surprised when you open your zipper.
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04-01-2015 21:24
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I'm old enough to remember when Obama was committed to dismantling #Iran's nuclear program.
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04-01-2015 23:05
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Here's to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
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04-02-2015 05:25 by
andrew jackson
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Cupcakes are amazing, because holding a full size cake up to your face isn't socially acceptable for some reason.
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04-02-2015 05:30 by
huck
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Tried meditating once but ended up taking a really great nap
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04-02-2015 05:31 by
huck
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"Is that your dog?" "No, actually she's adopted... we were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves"
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04-02-2015 05:36 by
flinnie
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