Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Everyone hates planes babies are just honest about it

   Reading new book: Brunos are from Mars, Freddies are from Mercury

   It's time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it's over

   FACT: Jargon is lingo for slang

   Just tried to check my Farmville for the first time in 2 years, apparently I forgot to pay my taxes and the IRS owns it now.

   Feminist alright: but excluding opening doors, paying the bill, fight a bully, move furniture, ladies first. If those things aren't done prepare for "oh chivalry is dead & wow, such an Ae-hol!" continued.

   Please accept that there are inherent differences b/w M & W. Otherwise we would just be called MEN! OR JUST WOMEN. You are better at somethings & we r better at other things. Accept nature & let it be

   You like flowers, we DON'T! We are happy to buy it for you. Don't make us like flowers.

   Have you ever noticed that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it?

   5 "Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.

   No, I don't have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.

   Trying out a new diet. It's called "hungry as fcuk all the time."

   The average person has sex 89 times a year. Who needs help being better than just average?

   Taken 27 coming to theaters in January 2029.

   My goal for 2015 is to accomplish the goals of 2014 which I should have done in 2013 because I made a promise in 2012 which I planned on keeping back in 2011

   Apprently Screech will stab you to make you screech if you call him "Screech" in a saloon. Now I'm wondering how many Screech fans are in prison who would like to make Screech screech.

   No. Annie is WHITE. You got it all wrong.

   I enjoy long romantic walks to the nearest bartender to get a beer.

   I don't post pics of my girl and me on social media for a good reason. What if someone calls her ugly and I have to dump her?

   I don't want feelings. I just want pizza.