Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I will put my phone down when you put yours down....Ready set.....Wait Someone is calling

   Pay it forward, but with booze.

   some people are like push-up bras....they make a mountain out of a mole hill

   If any of you ever hit rock bottom, please bring me down some vodka.

   I just spent 40 bucks on five organic pears at the farmer's market if anyone needs any investment advice or anything

   "I'm sorry your pet died. Can I come over for breakfast tomorrow?" - The world if pigs replaced dogs.

   Not to brag, but my nickname at work is "do you think he's alive?"

   My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he's attempting to get his hoodie back. He's in for one hell of a life lesson.

   The suicide vest bombing instructor at the Al Qaeda School of Martyrdom advised his students too "pay close attention because I'm only going to show you this once".

   And you say the CIA should treat the terrorists with kid's gloves.

   As soon as a girl starts to like you, she and her friends have got you on 24 hour surveillance.. They're doing shifts

   I really don't want to interact with other human beings today if I can help it...

   In The News: Supreme leader Comrade Kim Jong-un,. Reprimands: Jang Song Thaek, vice chairman of North Korea's highest decision-making body... "When I said to Nuke the Chinese, I meant for you to put the Kung Pao Chicken in the microwave".

   "Half time" is that point in time when you are too full to eat a whole slice of pizza but you have plenty of room if you cut that piece into two pieces and eat them separately.

   For every time a woman replies "fine" to you, you lose a day off your life.

   I don't know if they give awards for commercials, but that ad with Kate Upton riding a horse should win all of them.

   somedays I could do without the life lesson!

   The Mayans are predicting this year for Dec.21 chilly air will settle into the region, ahead of a storm system forecast to move up from the South.

   I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.

   I'm just doing what the beer tells me to.