Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..

   if you don't already hate people, black friday shoppers is a great way to start.

   Calm down with the Christmas music Starbucks, it's only the day after Thanksgiving.

   If the doctor say put the medicine in "your ear".. he meant "your rear"... so get your hearing checked too.

   Black Friday: The day you spend hundreds of dollars on possessions to celebrate the birth of a man who didn't believe in possessions.

   The Greatest Generation stormed Normandy so that today, we could storm Target.

   My granddaughter gets up at night and goes to the bathroom all by herself and everyone is so proud. I do that four times a night and nobody says squat.

   Enjoy it folks. This is the only day of the year when you can say "Black" all day long and not be called a racist.

   ♫ Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful ♫

   So many people born at the end of November. If we had a clubhouse we'd be named "The Valentine's Day Mistakes"

   You may notice white girls wearing black armbands today. As all things pumpkin spice are replaced by all things peppermint.

   Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.

   I can't believe Skelator sold out and is now doing commercials. Oh well, he's still a better pitchman than Michael Bolton.

   I am bored .Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on .

   If Charles Manson can get married in prison I should at least be allowed to text at red lights

   mondays that pretend to be sundays....

   If hearing “I love you” was enough, we’d all buy parrots and live happily ever after

   If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis.

   No thanks speed dating. I'll settle for being awkward one date at a time.

   Kids have so many food allergies these days. In 15 years you'll be able to rob a bank with a bag of peanuts.