Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "you did this."

   I'm leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.

   My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

   I missed a period in that last status. I hope I'm not pregnant!!!

   Native American: So you are against imigrants. Splendid, when did you leave?

   Bill Cosby loves pudding. Yeah, pudding his schlong where it don't belong!

   Next Saturday is Small Business Saturday. AKA local liquor store Saturday.

   I suspect that my local Wal-Mart's selling knock-off canned spaghetti... I'd investigate,, but I'm worried it'll open a whole can of worms.

   Disappointed to learn it's not going to kill me ... because I'm done with waiting for it to make me stronger.

   "Hospice," contrary to popular belief,,, was not one of the Spice Girls.

   When you consider names for your baby,,,, it's important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.

   Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.

   I never thought Charles Manson would be having a better week than Bill Cosby.

   "Son, when I was your age we had to walk 50 miles uphill, in the snow with no shoes just to find out if hot, local singles were in the area"

   In response to recent rape allegations, TV Land has pulled all episodes of the Cosby Show off the air. My life is ruined.

   It's so cold in Canada the bank tellers wear ski masks!

   Do Canadians call the middle of Canada the midnorth??

   FYI: All toilet seats can be heated toilet seats, if you push people off them and sit real fast.

   [boarding an airplane in west Africa]... "Have you had any diarrhea in the last 24 hours?"..."Yes. I had 2 tablespoons before bed last night."

   Most of the Ferguson folks these days seem to be white journalists desperately hoping for violence.