Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn't be called nachos.

   not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.

   Good Lord...Pink For Cancer, Red For Cards, Orange for Halloween, and Now Blue for Bullying! October has More damn color in it than a strand of Christmas Lights!

   Upside to working out: Women actually acknowledge my existence. Downside: I have to learn how to react to women acknowledging my existence.

   Look on the bright side, the cowboys will be the first NFL team to get Ebola

   I thought Ariana Grande was a Starbucks drink.....

   Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.

   I know it's rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you're unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me

   Sorry I must have hit the unfollow button by mistake. BLOCKED - there fixed it

   Don't worry about Ebola spreading in Dallas. The Cowboys have shown us that people in Dallas can't catch anything.

   I have never been paid for sex, but holy mother of god, there were a few instances when I should have been.

   I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.

   I bought shoes from a drug dealer today. Don't know what he laced them with but I have been tripping all day!

   My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.

   it me or this presidency has experienced more Virus out break since AIDS? Remember the Swine Flu, bird Flu, Housing Bubble Flu, Bank bail out Flu, and my favorite was when Congress Flew

   Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.

   You can lose weight but unfortunately you can't lose ugly.

   FYI: It takes a man a week to walk a fortnight,

   "My eyes are up here." - *gift horses

   may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don't have the best childing skills, either.