Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If horror movies have taught us anything its that white folks like to check out strange noises first at all times before assuming its means them harm. So Oscar's story does not add up at all.

   Why does Play-Doh say "fun to play with, not to eat" then make 1000 accessories that all make it shaped like food?

   Sarah Palin: 'I Owe America A Global Apology'. - No Palin, you owe the world an apology for continuing to talk and show your dumbass face.

   Kellogg's is considering taking "Rice" Krispies off the market....realizing the snap,crackle,POP ! has gone way too far ...

   I was sober for 15 straight years but on my 16th birthday I decided that I've had enough.

   "Yes your child is cute, but can he take a 'Whoopin'?" -Adrian Peterson

   My safe word is "Make sure we don't go over the hour. That's all the cash I got on me."

   I kept it gangsta...but, it was like 19% gangsta.

   You know you're watching Star Wars with Catholics when every time you hear "May the Force be with you," you hear, "And also with you."

   If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.

   Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, and where did he get the idea?

   I tried sweeping a problem under the rug once, but her legs kept sticking out.

   My ideal job would be "guy in infomercial who is legitimately baffled by simple, everyday tasks"

   I'll be updating my status telepathically the rest of the day... so if you think of something funny? That was me.

   "It's a boy!" I shouted as I ran away from the Thai brothel

   Who watches you calmly from afar, is the one who wants you close the most.

   I have bad luck with women. I could date a paraplegics, and she will still get up and leave me.

   Now if we could just introduce Ebola to ISIS.......

   No legs and he still managed to walk away from a murder charge?

   SAFETY REMINDER: If you encounter an NFL Running Back this weekend, Keep your distance and do NOT approach them....