Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...

   why don't people do a "taser challenge" next & see what its like for epileptic people to suddenly have your arms & legs moving around uncontrollably?

   I got pulled over by a lady cop. I asked her what's wrong and she snapped back "NOTHING!"

   The Ice Bucket Challenge was such a great idea last week!! This week...not so much!!

   Mariah and Nick announced their split. In other news, no one gives a $hit...

   The ice cream truck in my neighbourhood plays Helter Skelter

   My pet rock didn't wake up this this morning....gonna have to bury it.

   New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.

   Don’t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed on them

   If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die

   "Figuratively ain't no sunshine but the actual sun continues to warm Earth when she's gooone" -Bill Withers, concerned about starting panic

   I'm just a girl, standing in front of a food pantry, looking for something to put melted cheese on.

   Learn to carry your heaven with you. I mean learn to carry your liquor with you. Same thing anyways.

   I'm not sure which is worse: People who try to force their religion onto you. Or people who insist on telling you about their daily horoscope.

   Hey, people who only order one drink at last call. What's it like to be a quitter?

   People who get drunk after one beer: what's it like, being criminally insane?

   I'm sorry, I'll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I'm a giant.

   Nothing says "I'm behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.

   january 2014: "this will be my year" august 2014: "I swear 2015 will be my year"

   I like animal puns. They make me laugh until I am horse.