Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I like to think that "I don't give a f*&k', but I don't not give a f*&k nearly as much as this dude sitting next to me on the train whos watching hardcore anime p0rn.

   Hello passengers, this is your pilot speaking and it's going down. I'm yelling timber

   You don’t get to choose who you love but you get to choose which underwear you’ll wear tomorrow and that shouldn’t be taken for granted.

   Jay Carney steps down as White House press secretary to rejoin Weezer.

   President OBama hires pinocchio as new Press Secretary.

   The Zoo is a safe place to fart.

   Shouldn't we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It's like we work there for a little while.

   If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.

   If Godzilla ever goes on a rampage in Florida, I would move to Lego Lan. Because nobody likes stepping on a Lego #GodzillaKryptonite

   Everyone knows you can just buy M&M's instead of trail mix,, right?

   Question for the Christian folks...When Moses parted the red sea, did he say anything? Like Ta-Daaaaaa!!!

   Breaking up with someone because you told them a joke and they didn't laugh is a good enough reason.

   Did anyone else get upset when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?

   If Eric Shenseki is no longer a government employee, does this mean he has to sign up for ObamaCare?

   God take the wheel, your son is busy carrying someone down the beach.

   RIP, Maya Angelou. You were my favorite Ninja Turtle.

   What's up with these people in Pakistan getting stoned to death? What kind of weed are they growing there?

   We need to keep kids off drugs. It's hard enough to find them without kids buying them too

   I wonder if Jesus ever saw the face of someone in his toast.

   Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?