Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   There is a quadriplegic convention downtown this weekend. That place is going to be crawling with people!

   I won the spelling bee in second grade due to a technicalaty.

   Finally!! Mankind gets a message from Mars... *The President reads it to all humanity YOUR FRIGGING ROBOT IS DOING DONUTS ON MY LAWN

   Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people’s phones.

   I think sometime over the weekend,, I turned the food pyramid upside down and served chips out of it

   Pick up artist getting bullied: stop hitting on yourself. Stop hitting on yourself

   FYI: Push-up bras don't actually help you do more push-ups :(

   I still have a hard time believing that Land Down Under by Men At Work isn't Australia's national anthem.

   it's a little ironic when a gay guy gets drafted to the Rams....im sure he does a lot of ramming

   I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.

   Anyone know what position Michael Sam will be playing for the Rams? Tight End or Wide Reciever ??

   Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.

   You're as confusing as Daniel Tosh's sexuality.

   I was once a child prodigy, now i'm an adult tragedy.

   I put the pro in inappropriate.

   I have a date tomorrow night so I need to think about baby names.

   Good moaning to you all!! (that is not a typo)

   If You Like Piña Colada's, and getting songs stuck in your head...

   Jay-Z Officially has 100 Problems

   Dating tip: gently but quickly place her in the trunk before she asks any questions like, who are you?