Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I know inside me there's a skinny person wanting to get out. What bothers me is that it's the entire cast of America's Next Top Model in here.

   I’m on that ”I don’t give a F ...K diet.” I’ve lost 10 a holes already.

   147.Wife: Do you want some dinner? Me: Sure, what are my choices? Wife: Yes and No

   Adam silver just passed Lebron James and Kevin Durant in the MVP race

   Adam Siliver = H.N.I.C.

   ....Yay ... I am so jazzed .... My new 56k modem has finally arrived ....

   Studies have shown there is a direct correlation between a woman's insecurity and the amount of selfies she posts each day.

   Sorry, I can't make it,,, months are just a really busy time of year for me

   Truthful tuesday: When I see something funny on the feed here, I don’t usually laugh.. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.

   Every time two or more motorcycles ride side by side on the road,,, a bald eagle is gently wrapped in an American flag by The Lord.

   MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: An alarm clock that sounds like a dog's pre-puke warning grunts.

   Sterling got shafted by "BLACK MERICA".

   ʎןıɯɐɟ & spuǝıɹɟ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ʎɯ ¡¡¡ɐıןɐɹʇsnɐ ɯoɹɟ sbuıʇǝǝɹb

   61.My mom found a spot between her boobs this week,,, the doctor eased her worries telling her it was just her belly button.

   the irony is a group of blacks picked the white cotton guy out.....for life

   My resume is just a folded up death threat.

   An intervention, but for your selfies.

   I just want to be the reason you lower your standards.

   I'm not good at equations but if you throat punch an a$$hole, it equals karma.

   My therapist says the reason I'm not having any sex at all is because I'm married.