Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My son told me all females have nice butts in yoga pants, so I took him to Walmart so he could see the error of his thoughts

   Bacon would never leave you at the altar.

   If you say Snoop Dogg's name three times in the mirror, your weed will disappear.

   What's with these atheists getting all snarky on us believers on Easter. We didn't give them a hard tome on April Fool's Day.

   I am a collection of unfinished songs Michael Jackson left behind.

   My safe word is Obamacare.

   How strong am I?...hmm, Is Whiskey a level?

   My dirty mind gets me into trouble, my body often joins in.

   5 inches = 12.7 cm American men, NOW do you want to switch to the metric system?

   “B*tch don't kill my vibe” – me talking to my phone battery.

   I'm pretty sure the dirty looks your wife gives you are not the looks you married her for.

   .... Happy Easter!!! ... BTW it's also 4-20 ... so it's also Easter Bowl Sunday!

   Past mistakes are meant to guide you, not get her pregnant.

   I hope when Jesus comes out of his cave, he sees his shadow so we can finally have spring.

   There is a thick line between ok sex and awesome sex.

   God isn't the problem. The problem is his fan club.

   On Easter Sunday when Jesus came forth from the tomb and ascended into heaven he was technically moving back in with his parents.

   The whole resurrecting from the dead thing is too hard for kids to grasp. Egg sh*tting bunny? Yeah lets go with the egg sh*tting bunny.

   Going to the movies to watch Oculus today like the good lord intended

   The only rabbit I like on Easter is the one that's plastic and vibrates