Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm definitely not trying to insult your intelligence, you would have to possess some first.

   If no one is there to touch you, are you really there?

   just seen someone write “10Q” to mean “thank you“ and I wouldn’t even be mad if there was another Noah like flood in the next few minutes.

   Forgetting to switch off your alarm on a day when you’re not meant to go anywhere is an invention of lucifer himself.

   If you've ever put away a kitchen knife and not imagined the day you'll dramatically fight a burglar with it, congrats, I guess you're the adult.

   I'm really tired but it's OK. There's a nap for that.

   Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?

   My neighbor has a toilet marked "FREE" on his front lawn. Either offering a free used potty or he's part of the Toilet Liberation Army.

   Gentlemen playing leapfrog are kindly requested to complete their leaps. - sign in a g@y nudi$t colony.

   Pain wouldn't be so bad if it didn't hurt so much.

   I expect all atheists to be at work bright and early tomorrow...

   Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can't use it.

   "If this is Good Friday, I'd hate to se a Bad one!" ...... Jesus

   Once the trust goes in a relationship, there's no point lying to them anymore.

   Dude, it's just another Friday. I would expect the religious ppl to be at work on time as well.

   I think I will dye some Easter eggs white this year

   This dream is just beginning. Please let me sleep.

   Twerking is the crocs of dancing.

   I wonder if bank robbers have a safe word?

   All of me wants none of you.