Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hey look at me! Hey Stop staring at me weirdo! - women

   But sir, in your bio it is clearly mentioned that you are funny. How then?

   Maybe Aliens have not visited us on earth yet because they're all females and they want us to make the first move.

   I think I was born during the wrong time in history. I woulda been hot as a cavewoman.

   I'll think I'll bring my taser to work today to liven things up a bit.

   The old saying "I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.

   You look crazy, here's my ex's number.

   Customs officials in Europe recently seized a shipment of cocaine that was addressed to the Vatican. Which can only mean that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford just received a giant box of communion wafers.

   Time Warner was voted America’s worst company in an online poll by the blog Consumerist. I have to say, I’m kind of surprised that Time Warner customers were able to get online.

   Everything I can't have is overrated... including you.

   I'll only date you if all my friends and family hate your guts. - girls

   Just wanted to quickly thank Ashton Kutcher for taking responsibility for Mila Kunis' pregnancy. My wife would have killed me.

   redneck version of ChromeBook ....go to the library & get a book....wrap duct tape all over the covers....you chromed your book

   NFL announces no more goal dunking allowed. Oakland Raiders reply with a public statement: "No effect on us."

   What do I have to do to get sent to your room?!

   Too many Stalkers not enough bullets

   Don’t count on your chickens before they are hatched; before getting on our nerves and receiving a punch from us.

   Asked my 65 yr old father if he believed in gay marriage. His response "I saw my friends die for freedom. That means freedom for EVERY American."

   .... All I ever want is to make you smile ..... Well, That ..... and maybe some bacon ..

   Why do all you women brag about multi-tasking. You need to chill out. There is nothing cool about doing 3 things wrong at once