Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   They're women, drama is not an option, it's in their DNA.

   Would give Justin Bieber in return for missing plane.

   One positive lesson I've learned from this missing plane..... I'm going to start dumping my murder victims in the Indian Ocean from now on.

   I wanna be the reason you realize your husband is really not that bad.

   A busy tongue is good tongue,when it's not being used for talking.

   With my luck, the love of my life was on that plane.

   You know who else put mushrooms on their pizza? Hitler.

   My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."

   Sorry I was charming. It won't happen again.

   All I'm saying is, if that plane was a white girl named Ashley, the US would have found it by now.

   I'm texting nothing but ugly girls from now on. They text back so fast!

   I learned from the breast. I mean best. I learned from the best.

   -- Note to self: 'Cancel cruise to Indian Ocean. No chance of rescue if boat capsizes.'

   My Olympic sport would be getting the hell out of Russia

   My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.

   America has got to be the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer.

   Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.

   just call me "Mario" cause I've been looking & looking & cant seem to find a woman either #Nintendo

   ♫ oooooh, if you're happy and you know it hit Alt F4 ♫

   - Malaysian airlines confirmed having crashed in ocean. World is shocked. Seems everyone must have thought it had landed safely in some remote landing strip somewhere, like most missing planes do.