Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   How can I get on one of these disappearing planes?

   I would probably buy my wife a lot more flowers if they were a plant that I could smoke and get high on once it died and dried out.

   A gentleman will always hold open the door for a lady. Because, you know...Dat Ass.

   "Knock Knock! .... "Who's there" . . . .Not the Malaysian airplane pilot

   Get Dora and Boots on this missing plane case now....THEY KNOW MAPS!!!!

   I beat the crap out of the paparazzi who took a selfie pic of me.

   Just watched a new documentary on Discovery. Now I fell bad for the so-so white shark.

   I never understood why people use a persons picture for their caller ID; me personally I prefer to take a picture of myself and how that person makes me feel.

   Well the news reports that a Tibetan Mastiff was purchased in China for 2 Million Dollars. Some one over there is about to eat the most expensive authentic Chinese Meal they've ever had today.

   BREAKING NEWS: The pilot of the missing Malaysian plane was known to go by the name Waldo.

   Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady have put their LA Mega-Mansion up for sale. Sadly, in today's economy even the Brady-Bundchen can't keep their home.

   Friends make the worst enemies

   You guys just don't get me like you used to. - Polio

   Westboro Batist Church founder dead!!!! Who's up for a funeral protest?!?!?!

   President Obama - The worlds most powerful insurance salesman.. How embarrassing.

   I put a Justin Bieber's song as my alarm tone and it works wonders cuz I wake up before it goes off so I don't have to listen to that sh*t.

   A toothbrush. If you let a woman bring one into your house, it’s no longer your house.

   People who only sleep with one pillow are the real terrorists.

   What a lovely winter we're having this spring.

   "Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we're gonna have to ask you to leave."