Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Someday I wish I could have been on the maylasia plane.
←Rate | 03-16-2014 17:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it wrong to put eggs in chicken salad? It just seems wrong...
←Rate | 03-16-2014 17:33 by Steve OH Comments (0)  


   messageicon heard bieber was supposed to be on the malaysian flight... sigh...
←Rate | 03-16-2014 19:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We all have a drawer by the sink filled with junk. Can you please check your drawer for a Boeing 777
←Rate | 03-16-2014 20:14 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just chilling tonight with my new plane............. Oops, I've said too much.
←Rate | 03-16-2014 21:48 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon maybe this whole missing airplane is a Jimmy Kimmel prank taken too far.
←Rate | 03-16-2014 22:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People! Relax! Subway foot longs ARE foot longs. You just have to measure from the balls.
←Rate | 03-16-2014 22:15 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards
←Rate | 03-16-2014 23:59 by smeebert Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can get away with anything at Costco if you wear a hairnet
←Rate | 03-17-2014 00:05 by smeebert Comments (0)  


   messageicon whats the difference between a plane & in-laws? the whole world is worried about a plane when it's missing
←Rate | 03-17-2014 03:05 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw on the news that Flavor Flav is 56 years old today, and had two immediate thoughts: 1. How the F$%^ did Flav manage to take care of himself for 56 years? 2. F$%^, I'm old.
←Rate | 03-17-2014 05:52 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
←Rate | 03-17-2014 06:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear iTunes and Adobe, Would it not be more time efficient to just tell us when you are NOT updating?
←Rate | 03-17-2014 06:54 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember before facebook when thoughts stayed in people’s heads?
←Rate | 03-17-2014 06:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro tip - I'm not convinced any of you are qualified to give pro tips.
←Rate | 03-17-2014 07:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chocolate makes dogs REALLY tired. Mine's been sleeping for three days!! I don't want to wake him... So cute!
←Rate | 03-17-2014 07:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My signature move is to slightly caress my wife for 4 months until one day she sighs deeply then seductively calls out "fine, just hurry up"
←Rate | 03-17-2014 08:05 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I lost my virginity when I was 9 while attempting an over-ambitious Pogo Stick trick.
←Rate | 03-17-2014 08:06 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon IKEA is Swedish for "If you tell me it's not level again, I'm going to smash your head with this hammer,,,, Well then, JUST DIVORCE ME SUSAN"
←Rate | 03-17-2014 08:12 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to be the guy in the studio audience of "Wheel of Fortune" who stands up and shouts, "D! SHE WANTS THE D!" then calmly walks out.
←Rate | 03-17-2014 08:13 by snotty Comments (0)  



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