Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Have any of you experienced a ringing in your ear that lasts maybe 20 or 30 seconds? Every time it happens to me I keep thinking I'm going to hear "This is Lex Luthor. Only one thing alive with less than four legs can hear this frequency Superman and that

   Love does not fade with time, shape, weight, looks and bank balance; It's your own damn fault that you’re Jobless.

   Anytime I meet a Realtor, I drop my pants and ask her if this is a lot??

   This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here.

   Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.

   I hope that the kind reader recognises this as a despairing attempt at humour.

   Who is Valentine's? And why is my girlfriend talking about him a lot lately?

   Nothing like choking someone with love to make them run away from you.

   My girlfriend wanted a Cinderella-themed birthday party, so I invited all her friends over and made them clean my place!

   It's amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.

   Some people are better kept only as Facebook friends and never to be interacted with in real life.

   Justin Bieber Charged With Criminal Assault of a limo driver! He commits a criminal assault every time he sings.

   Only if women knew how special it makes a man feel when you wake him up in the middle of the night to give you some coz you are feeling horny.

   I just saw a Middle-Eastern guy vigorously shaking out a carpet off a 3rd floor balcony in my condo building. I yelled out, "WHAT UP, AKBAR? IT WON'T START?"

   Forget Klondike, you should see what people do for open bar!

   They say money can't buy you happiness, but I've got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.

   A Facebook s tatus update so confusing you turn your radio down to read it.

   I think when you said: You ruined EVERYTHING! You were wrong, because this beer is still delicious.

   I lost my job at the emergency hotline because I kept answering “share the joke” when people called and said “I’m dying here”

   My boss insists I need to start using my head, so I wore a cap to work today.