Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Teachers: Remember, you can't hit the kids but you can still hit the bottle.

   My wife is the most irrational person I've ever met. Well, technically, she's tied for first with every other woman I've met...

   Get an education. Global warming/climate change is indicated by extremes. Unusual, extrem heat waves, droughts, hurricane season, sunamus, tornadoes, cold weather systems, blizzards, etc.

   This climate change stuff is so hilarious...

   ..... Al Gore keeps insisting that dropping global temperatures, out of season and record breaking snowfall around the globe are strong symptoms of global warming. My question to him is ..... Then ...... What would the symptoms of Global Cooling be?

   I think I'm going to save my good stuff for the after hours crowd, it's Getting Hot In Here!

   Climate/Climax same difference, both involve changes in temperature.

   I need a hug and a beer, this climate stuff is stressing me!

   Just throwing this out there... Uncle Si from Duck Dynasty as the new Terminator.... the Siborg

   Great just great...my wife left the seat warmer on in the car now I have to walk around with swamp butt

   He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good 'cause...Santa works for the NSA.

   Justin Bieber wants to take Paul Walkers place in the new Fast and Furious film. Why doesn't he take his place in the car accident instead?

   Just finished shoveling 6 inches of snow off my lawn. Then I mowed it.

   I always try to see my relatives with love and affection during the Holidays. When I can't I try to see if there is more Bourbon available.

   Vodka works better than Mistletoe at Christmas Parties. That's because with Vodka someone is getting kissed whether they want it or not.

   It would be so much more ''festive" if UPS and FEDEX guys dressed as Santa while delivering packages during the holiday season

   I once won an argument with a woman. This was my only consolation considering after she won the divorce settlement.

   My bartender can beat up your psychiatrist, now pop a pill while I have a drink!

   Jesus and santa are not real. You can live up to a 1,000 year and still never get to meet Jesus.

   I'm not so much offended by what Megyn Kelly says, but I'm offended that someone so dumb and foolish has her own TV show.