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I wonder if George Zimmerman went Back Friday shopping 
To shop the best on "Black Friday" it is easier to throw stink bombs by large crowds to get them to clear the area.
Evidence from Social Media Usage shows that the number of idiots on earth is going to surpass the number of normal people by the year 2015.
I may not regularly keep in touch with my friends and loved ones, but I always keep an eye on my enemies.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn't shop.
Lemonade or orange juice? I'm asking the vodka.
So all I really wanna know is can I trust you with my heart and my butthole?
Its not stretching if it doesn't involve crazy dinosaur noises.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
Farts are a poop's way of texting, "On my way."
Thanksgiving is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
Some of these girls are getting big headed over the hundreds of likes they are getting on their FB pics from all the thirsty and unemployed guys out there. I know they are unemployed because working men are too busy at their jobs to be stalking anyone.
I make my coffee so strong it wakes the neighbors up....
Dear Santa, Please get Apple to replace Siri with Channing Tatum
Last night I kicked off my shoes, stripped down to my boxers and laid on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn. Enjoying the experience of the new home theater system. Apparently the Best Buy salesman wanted me to take it home and try it first.
I liked Carrie Underwood better when she made that deviled ham.
Men and women are twice as likely to confess their problems to Facebok than other individuals.
My daughter just said when she grows up she wants to marry someone just like me. Now I can't stop crying.
I can't wait for Tupac's next album
No autocorrect, I do not want to organism all over her face. 