Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Want to feel old? The players in this year's Puppy Bowl haven't even been born yet.

   People go on and on about the length of Subway's sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?

   Women who get breast implants have delusions of glandular.

   Snookie Kardashian?

   My dentist told me I need a crown I was like..pfft! I know right should've been given one years ago.

   It’s crazy that when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer, it’s “art” and “music”…. but if I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot

   f a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.

   t’s true we don’t know what we’ve got until its gone, but we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives

   I'm going to trade in my "I'm stupid" t-shirt for the fancy "I'm with stupid" one.

   I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?

   I got more moves than a bucket of worms

   I'm on my 5th coffee, just in case you're wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .

   Wear your socks to bed, so I know you have no interest in having sex.

   The worst form of Alzheimer's is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.

   I don't care what your birth certificate says, If you have long hair you’re a lady as far as I am concerned.

   Are you waiting with baited breath because it sure smells like it.

   I don’t believe in religion, I believe in God

   I swallowed my pride once and it tasted like Vodka.

   I hate when you’re having sex and after an hour or so, you realize it’s only been 32 seconds.

   You lose your wallet on the bus,,,, later, you see the same bus wearing a new pair of sunglasses, and a gold watch