Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Never trust someone that smiles on Monday morning.

   Shark Week is so much better that Shart Week!

   Girls dont dress for boys, they dress for themselves. If girls dressed for boys, they’d just walk around naked all the time.

   Hey A-Rod, will you sign my syringe???

   Wished Justin Bieber would do a tour in the Middle East, Afghanistan to be specific..

   My voicemail greeting is now a Justin Bieber song. if you can make it to the end of the song without hanging up then I’ll listen to the message, because obviously it’s important!

   Its raining today, I guess my neighbors can't go to work today........They are mexican

   So... Where does one obtain minions?

   I glued the TV remote to my wife. I'm expecting her to go missing any second now.

   I am tried of 7 day weeks and having to wait for the weekend. I think the week should be as followed. Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Get rid of Wednesday and Thursdays. . .

   Wonder if A-Rod's new sponsor is going to be a syringe company...

   There's no WE in pizza. Only i.

   You can't be wise and in love at the same time.

   I listen to smooth jazz from time to time, but it depends on which elevator I’m in.

   I’ve been to hell and back so many times I bought some property while I was there.

   You call it the Friend Zone. I call it Palcatraz.

   Facebook event invites are the Jehovah's Witnesses of the Internet

   He said: Am I the first man to sleep in your bed? She said: Well... if you actually fall asleep then yes.

   I wonder if sharks have people week.

   Weiner tells A-Rod to Stick it out.