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"If I had a Son, he would look like George Zimmerman." -Cher 
Royal baby doesn't even have teeth yet and I can still tell they're gonna be phucked up...
Obama has lost his swag if Kool's are outlawed on his watch!!
What is this world coming too when people are more afraid of mosquito's than HIV?
I like to play "I Spy" with total strangers and stare at them and say "I spy an idiot"...
While you make her cry, another guy listens, understands her and makes her feel special. But you are not worried because you think and believe she only likes him as a friend forgetting that a shoulder to cry on can quickly turn into a d*ck to ride on.
If you both of you can just sit together, chill and talk for more than 10minutes without checking your phones, you have just found your soul mate.
Kate Middleton & Prince William have finally come out with their baby & to everyone's surprise, it looks exactly like every other newborn.
Obama was just on the air and clearly read from his teleprompter that he will now put his full concentration into the issue of JOBS! (for the 19th time).
Pressure builds on Weiner to pull out early!!!
I'm not sure how people get eaten by sharks... I mean how do you not hear the music?
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble wrap...
The baby's name is Prince George. Great! Now what do you all say we stop talking about it until he grows up, puts on a Nazi costume, and gets naked in Vegas?
Yeah,, yeah... I'm just putting our meeting in my calendar...... ( shakes etch-a-sketch )
i bought a 30 pack of condoms and they expire in 2016. i’m crunching the numbers here and it’s not looking good
why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
I was sure they'd name that baby King Ralph...
The royal baby is a day old and is still more interesting than the Kardashian family, kanye west, and Lindsey Lohan combined
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss' vacation's more than he does.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it's never found again.. 