Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
It's pretty cool that evolution knew we'd eventually need pinky fingers to hold our phones. 
The Police will come right away when you tell them your baby is locked in the car. They don't however think it's cute to call your phone baby.
I'm bringing Tipsy back.
it rude to shoot yourself in the face when someone's talking?
On a scale of 1 to Facebook how much of a whiney b*tch are you?
can we PLEASE stop using the term “beast mode”? Unless you’re running around jungle, naked, stalking and killing animals with your bare hands and eating them raw, you’re NOT a beast, you’re just another douchebag lifting weights in the gym…tha
There is nothing more frightening than the toilet water rising when you flush it! Especially if you are at someone Else's house!
Some people don't know anything about women. And those people are men.
I guess eBay brings out my competitive side........Anyway, this $1,800 can of peas better be good.
A Mslim stopped me in the street and asked me for my thoughts on Muhammad, Allah and the Qur'an. I said, "He's probably the greatest boxer who ever lived, and I don't give a f*ck what car he drove.
if anyone wants lobster they can eat me
I have not seen a Hummer on the road in months. Is there some sort of magical Dbag Island that they all went to?
what I won't do for love......i might do for a klondike bar~!!!
If I superglued WD-40, what would happen
Monday,.. that better not be your ugly ass I see peeking around the corner!
if I had a kid that was a Belieber I'd lock them in a room with the White Album playing until they snapped out of it
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
The IRS is in trouble for using $60,000 of taxpayer money to produce training video spoofs of "Star Trek" and "Gilligan's Island". I find that, "HIGHLY ILLOGICAL...." (Spock's voice) "....SKIPPPPEEERRRRR!!!!!" (Gilligan's voice)
When someone breaks your heart.... let God put the pieces together.
I think I've fallen in hate with you. 