Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I don't need a therapist. I already have a bartender. 
I don't know what's longer: a microwave minute or a treadmill minute...
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Frnd : did you watch Barcelona v/s Bayern... ME : No.. I don't like to watch p orn !!!
women stay in shape so they can be trophy wife milfs
Not sure if my bed is calling me or if its the girl I left handcuffed all day
I ain't talking about Floyd when I say I love May weather.
Im not saying dont trust the internet, I'm just saying that there is a huge discrepancy in the number of Ipads I won verse the number of Ipads I actually own
In the same way I don't wanna know if my neighbor likes being a Chinese finger cuff , I don't wanna know if you are Gay. I don't really want to know anyone's sexual preferences. Who CARES if you are straight Gay or Bi? Keep it to yourself and your partn
When asked if I'm a cat or dog person, I always reply. 'It depends,, what wine are you serving?'
I bet it's confusing for gays with walk-in closets. You're in, you're out, you're in, you're out.
I just read the "100 things to do before you die" list.... I'm kinda surprised that "call 911" didn't make the cut.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
Sure, I'll attend your expensive pre-divorce ceremony
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
A Gary Busey can lose up to 30 000 teeth in its lifetime.
Burned 800 calories jogging my memory today.
My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it's there to stab potential taco thieves.
If there's one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it's... "Goonies never say die!" 