Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes”

   For the record, if my mother ever tells you she uses Oxycontin to remove stains, it's not true.

   Mother nature is bipolar... I've been trying to get her into therapy but she just threatens me with a hormonal disorder so...

   was talking with my neighbor when we saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law. My neighbor said "Are you going to help?" I said No, six should be enough.

   I asked my mum what she wants for Mother's Day..... She said, all I want is a bit of caring and looking after.....So I put her in a nursing home

   Either Mother Nature had one of the best pranks in history for April Fools by saying that we were getting 7 inches of snow today or our weather men are just plain retarded! Either way....well played!

   Dear Mother Nature, I know you've been on the rag lately, but could you please put a cork in it?!?! Thanks

   Dear Mother Nature, I know you've been on the rag lately, but who lit the fuse on your tampon?!?!

   My mother always told me that a good man is hard to find. By that logic Bin Laden is the finest man to have ever lived.

   If I place a call that is being recorded for quality assurance and training purposes, I make sure to say mother%#&@er alot.

   Moms are really very clever!! within the first 10 minutes of visitng her, she read my mind better than I ever read it myself! I could never be a real man just like my own mother.. love you mom!! :-)

   "When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "happy". They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn�

   Rain on a Monday, in spite of the fact we need the rain, is unacceptable. Mother Nature will be hearing from my attorney.

   I am still sitting here completely in Awe of how Samuel L Jackson is going to be portraying Martin Luther King, Jr. I can picture it now, "I had a dream mother f*cker!"

   Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the Husband, sharks for the husbands mother.

   Just saw Bigfoot!! Oh wait, its just the mother in law.

   Your mother sat on my glasses and broke them, I guess it's partially my fault, I should of took them off my face first.

   ✓ Adolf Hitler, ✓ Saddam Hussein, ✓ Osama Bin Laden, ☐ Mother-In-Law

   Mother's day is a great time to let her know you're gay. P.S. She knows.

   To all the Mothers and Grandmothers out there, whether here on Earth or an Angel in Heaven: Thank you for teaching us all we know. Being a mother is not easy.