Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 83 of 6387
I’m working from home. But as a bartender.
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03-31-2020 12:44
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Its still winter because Mother Nature saw all our summer bodies and decided we weren't ready yet.
Dear Amazon, I bought a vacuum filter from you because that model is hard to find. It was necessary, not because I am fond of them. I am not a vacuum filter collector. No matter how many ads you display, or emails you send me, I am not desperate for more.
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04-27-2018 18:07
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It looks like T-Mobile and Sprint are getting married. And to prove that things won't change, there will be no reception.
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04-29-2018 18:55 by JeffWhite
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Ironic that my kids can't remember to say the "please" word but boy do they remember the word I used that one time in heavy traffic last year.
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05-11-2018 22:17
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Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
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06-09-2018 10:57
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Einstein was a genius. It was his brother Frank that created a monster.
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06-17-2018 13:03
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WebMD is updating their servers because of a virus. Well, they think it's a virus, but it could be kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis.
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06-16-2018 17:50 by Fluff!!
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"Don't Kid Yourself" would be a great advertising slogan for a condom company.
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06-18-2018 08:17
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Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
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06-27-2018 13:37
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I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington's decision when he reached the Delaware.
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06-28-2018 10:00 by MediaGuy
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My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
I saw a hipster wearing socks because it’s so cold.
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01-02-2018 05:48
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The people that are trying to make the world worse never take a day off, why should I? Light up the darkness.
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01-03-2018 05:54
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Now that the government has re-opened I guess I have to stop removing these mattress tags
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01-23-2018 15:07 by markf
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Word of the Day: Intaxication - That brief period of euphoria you feel between receiving a tax refund and then realizing it was your money to begin with.
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02-12-2018 06:59
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This is Assumption Club. I think we all know why we are here.
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03-06-2018 12:34
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Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
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03-15-2017 18:05
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