Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 83 of 6387

   messageicon I’m working from home. But as a bartender.
←Rate | 03-31-2020 12:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its still winter because Mother Nature saw all our summer bodies and decided we weren't ready yet.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 19:12 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Amazon, I bought a vacuum filter from you because that model is hard to find. It was necessary, not because I am fond of them. I am not a vacuum filter collector. No matter how many ads you display, or emails you send me, I am not desperate for more.
←Rate | 04-27-2018 18:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It looks like T-Mobile and Sprint are getting married. And to prove that things won't change, there will be no reception.
←Rate | 04-29-2018 18:55 by JeffWhite Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ironic that my kids can't remember to say the "please" word but boy do they remember the word I used that one time in heavy traffic last year.
←Rate | 05-11-2018 22:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
←Rate | 06-09-2018 10:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Einstein was a genius. It was his brother Frank that created a monster.
←Rate | 06-17-2018 13:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon WebMD is updating their servers because of a virus. Well, they think it's a virus, but it could be kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis.
←Rate | 06-16-2018 17:50 by Fluff!! Comments (1)  


   messageicon "Don't Kid Yourself" would be a great advertising slogan for a condom company.
←Rate | 06-18-2018 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
←Rate | 06-27-2018 13:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington's decision when he reached the Delaware.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 10:00 by MediaGuy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
←Rate | 07-02-2018 09:49 by @KylaDenniston Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 02:35 by Appstatushub Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a hipster wearing socks because it’s so cold.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 05:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The people that are trying to make the world worse never take a day off, why should I? Light up the darkness.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 05:54 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Now that the government has re-opened I guess I have to stop removing these mattress tags
←Rate | 01-23-2018 15:07 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Word of the Day: Intaxication - That brief period of euphoria you feel between receiving a tax refund and then realizing it was your money to begin with.
←Rate | 02-12-2018 06:59 Comments (5)  


   messageicon This is Assumption Club. I think we all know why we are here.
←Rate | 03-06-2018 12:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
←Rate | 03-13-2017 19:26 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
←Rate | 03-15-2017 18:05 Comments (0)  




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