Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just took this personality test, and it said. "Describe yourself in one word." I answered, "Not good at following instructions."

   So glad we finally got Bin Laden! It's taken so long to kill him that iPhone was about to come out with an app for that!

   wondering if anyone's considered the possibility that the Mayan calender ends on 12/21/2012 not because it's the end of the world but because they just couldn't be bothered to add any more pages to it?

   It's Been A Tough Few Years For The Ocean, we've had the oil spill, the Japan radiation, and now "Hey! Mind if we put Bin Laden there too?!"

   Air freshener: Because there's no louder way of telling the whole house you've just took a dump.

   If we could eavesdrop on every conversation people had about us, I'm pretty sure that none of us would have any friends.

   Every time I see you text/type "lyk dis" instead of like this, I assume you were that kid that went to the restroom and didn't come back until the end of Spelling and English class.

   Don't you know it's rude to talk while I'm interrupting?

   Don't think of yourself as a failure, think of yourself as unspoiled by success.

   Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting.

   young at heart..... other parts slightly older.. and broken!

   hates people who feel like the "12 items or less" sign at the supermarket doesnt apply to them

   If anyone is wondering how to build a meth lab, Google apparently has directions on its homepage today…..

   When I say, "I never do that"...what I mean is "I haven't done that in the past five minutes."

   Life doesn't come with instructions, so why live as if it also comes with rules?

   I don't give a crap, but If I did give out crap. You'd be the first person I'd give it to.

   At least this apocalypse and rapture debacle has conclusively proven one significant fact: We are not alone! We have idiots living among us!

   People who say "If I disappeared, no one would notice" are wrong. Anyone who actually saw you vanish would be pretty freaked out.

   Best way to get out of a text convo: "The message could not be delivered due to a temporary network setup error. Please try later. Error 2128-226110

   Bees are a good example of Karma; once they sting someone… they die