Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

   It is difficult to be stupid... competition is huge...

   I'm ok with my masculinity, enough to eat a Blow Pop in public. But I won't swallow the gum.

   Save your breath...no one wants to smell it.

   A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

   Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

   Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you're inside one at 4am you think, i'm glad these are here.

   To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.

   it's so quiet at Hillary Clinton's campaign HQ you can almost hear an email getting deleted 😂

   "Oh, so that's what they meant by Silent Majority!" -------- Hillary Clinton

   Martin L King ... Looted nothing, Burned nothing, Attacked .... NO ONE ....... Yet ... CHANGED THE WORLD. Time for people to wake up ..... It's the mind ... Not the emotions that holds the power.

   The Constitution is Good

   Flat screens are nice and all, but they'll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.

   Look UPS chick, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to always have their pants on.

   If General Mattis runs for president in the next election, will his campaign slogan be "Mad Dog 2020"?

   Why I hate House Hunters. Amy is a housewife works on her art all day, her husband Abe manages a Taco Bell. Abe: Our budget is $4 million

   Looks like the Healthcare bill vote may be delayed so Nancy Pelosi can read it this time

   Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?

   I see myself as one day being an old man in an assisted living facility crushing my pill cups with my bare hands to impress the nurses.

   Has it occurred to ANYONE that if you can organize that many people to protest, you can organize that many people to clean up you community and get rid of the criminal element causing the problem? Where's that rally?