love Funny Status Messages

   My new GF: "Wow, look at all this beer you have in your fridge. You must love to drink." Me: "No, I just hate to run out of beer."

   I love when my friends tell me they have 3 or 4 days off from work. Then want to make plans to go out and expect me to pay the bill because their check sucked. Well maybe your a$$ should of went to work instead of bragging about being off.

   Women must love you because you are the biggest d!ck I have ever seen

   If you love someone set them free. Then lock the door so they cant get back in.

   "Love is finishing each other's sentences” - Jeffrey Epstein & Ghislaine Maxwell :)

   who ever said that it takes two to fight never seen the crackhead at 7-11 yelling at the wall I love niagara falls

   Ladies: There is no sign language in love. If he didn't say it, he didn't mean it. Stop assuming and putting words into his mouth.

   I've always been told to dress for the job you want. I love my cape

   I love you, babe, of course you can get whatever you want...whoa, whoa, let's keep it on the dollar menu, though, ok?

   Every branch is full of hard-working intelligent people that always has our best interest in mind...I love the way our government it run. Are you getting this NSA?

   That moment when you wake up the next morning laying in bed next to the one you just fell in love with and you lay there trying to remember their name? GOD I MISS MY 20'S!

   I love my women like I love my coffee beans. Thrown into a burlap sack and transported illegally across Central America.

   Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.

   " Don't forget to provide love and support to someone that has absolutely no interest in you today." I don't guarantee your front teeth after that.

   LOVE: If you need direction, search your heart. If you still can't find the answer, search through your significant other's sh!t.

   Paula Deen selling Diabetes Drugs is like Courtney Love selling methadone.

   I'll rather slip and fall in sh!t than fall in love with you!

   I pretty much need a girl to love me for what's on the outside at this point. The inside has been broken for a while and I've been trying to fix it with booze ever since.

   We only stalk the ones we love.

   I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.