Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So the cop was like 'say the alphabet backwards',, So I said 'the alphabet backwards',, Then we laughed and laughed............ Send bail money

   Weatherman are a little too excited to finally be right about predicting this big storm. You're still at 1% accuracy guys. Calm the $&#% down...

   I love my lucky rabbit's foot because nothing says good fortune like the severed limb of an adorable, defenseless, woodland creature.

   In awkward situations, we all pretend to text.

   Over time you start noticing that some people just aren't worth it anymore.

   Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."

   If you believe the predictions of an ancient semi-civilized tribe that the world is ending on 21st Dec, can you do me a favour? Can you raise your right hand and with the same hand b itch-slap yourself into 2013.

   please no more gangnam style dance... keep the gangnam style back in 2012

   If a girl says, "I hate drama" there is a 99% chance she is a huge drama queen.

   Turn on - Woman who knows how to change a tire if she absolutely had to. Turn off - Woman who insists on doing it while I'm standing there.

   Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.

   There are no stupid questions just inquisitive idiots.

   It's that time of year again. Scary decorations, terrifying advertising, and random people going door to door. Election season.

   How dare you incinerate that I don't know big words.

   You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

   You can't always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.

   God made us all different. But when He got to China He thought...to hell with it... Copy, paste, copy, paste

   Please dont poke me if you a guy...Thx!

   Interesting piece of history: In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

   I'm certain that the reason that God made Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.