Funny Status Messages
Search Messages:
ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction. 
I've been calling this random number asking for John all day with diffrent voices.. When I get home I'm going to call him back and say "this is John, do I have any messages"..
It's not my birthday, but I'll take a spanking anyway.
Whenever I wake up on my own, I am automatically thrown in a panic of whether or not I slept through my alarm.
Dont you hate it when somebody turns on the light to wake you up and you're just like -_o
Relationships nowadays: First month, I love you baby! Second month, we are forever! Third month, Single.
Homeless people wouldn't be half as poor if they didn't waste all of their money on sharpies and cardboard.
Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage.
Guy next to me ordered a vodka cranberry "light on the vodka". I had to go to another bar, I cannot be around someone who acts like that.
The new mouthwash I bought says "24 HOUR PROTECTION ....use twice daily"
Why spend all that time in school to be a doctor,, when you can save lives by forwarding an email or reposting a status on your Facebook wall?
I cant take this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge, you are coming to my room.
Why do the people that should never reproduce have the most kids?!?!
I think the show " America's Got Talent " Should have a question mark at the end of it
My girlfriend went out for drinks with the girls from her work... Can't wait for her to get back and tell me EVERYTHING that's wrong with me.
Every woman needs find someone who will ruin her lipstick instead of her mascara.
All these years, I just realize........ Can someone please explain to me why the kids from Scooby-Doo were afraid of people in masks, but were totally cool with a talking dog?!
Walmart is like a free roaming zoo for humans everytime I go I see creatures even the discovery channel hasn't witnessed.
Heard Snooki's supposedly pregnant. Guess we'll know for sure when her vodka breaks.
The only good part about reuniting with an ex is that having sex with them doesn't change the number of people you've slept with. 