Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If the president-elect (Donald Trump) wants Canada as the 51st state, we’ll send him a box of Snow, Poutine, and Free Speech to remind him we’re better off up north.

   The Batcave was 14 miles outside of Gotham City. Close enough for Batman to fight crime, far enough away for Bruce Wayne to avoid ridiculous tax rates.

   Marriage tip: If your wife comes home in a bad mood and starts an argument for no reason like she does from time to time, just use this simple phrase: "My mom was right about you". This usually does the trick and stops the argument.

   Where are the water cannon trucks? Give them turds a flush.

   Has Missouri ever done a tourism ad with the slogan ‘Missouri Loves Company?’ If not, what is even the point of Missouri?

   Mike Hunt is Tight and Juicy

   I've decided my 2025 will start on February 1st. January is a free trial month.

   Squirrels always act like they just realized they left the oven on back in their tree

   Us Germans are pleading for you Amercians not to fall for Trumps and Elons tricks because we've seen it before and people are still saying we're overreacting. It's a shame. But good luck, because you will all need it.

   DOGE has found so much fraud that not a single person has been charged with fraud. And in case you were wondering? Yes. Melania's still a wh*re 😂

   My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers

   I have 3 Brazilian Wax Appointments for Tuesday afternoon. Inbox me for time. ❤️

   How many times does you know that we only have certain things in because you are not doing only what he wanted for who did you think about the twelve sheep in my yard are eating the boots inside out they need.

   Hope you blokes are enjoying the extreamly cold weather. God knows you people deserve it.

   Don't ask me how to change your clock. My Betamax has been blinking midnight since 1983.

   Oh Snap..Gonna miss the Oscars again. That will make 50 yrs. in a row now.

   Yeah, yeah. I've heard of Bad Bunny. He snuck out of the rabbit hutch, broke into the hen house, and fu*ked all the chickens.

   Diddy didnt kill himself..... Oh wait...thats next weeks headline....

   Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena

   Fun fact..The pool on the Titanic still has water in it.