love Funny Status Messages

   Dan Marino's Love Child: There were no DNA tests. This came about when the mom saw the kid throw her bottle across the room in a perfect spiral hitting her dead center in the face every time.

   OKAY!!! OKAY!!!...... We're prepared to meet ALL your demands!.................. Just put the sharpie on the floor, and kick it over to daddy.... Please, for the love of God,, Please?

   i found a sexy person who I love very much.... it's a shame i'm not allowed to marry myself

   Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.

   I love you, babe, of course you can get whatever you want...whoa, whoa, let's keep it on the dollar menu, though, ok?

   Girls fall in love with what they hear... Guys fall in love with what they see. That is why girls wear makeup, and guys lie!

   I LOVE putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy! I HATE when the lady in the laundromat tries to take them back! :(

   The neighbors love it when I practice piano. They break my window to hear me better.

   It gives me collywobbles to admit this but most of what I post is purely flibbertigibbet. It's not that I think you to be a gobemouche, i'm just a pettifogger and a slangwanger. I'm not a snollygoster, I just love to bloviate. Thanks for understanding!

   I love walking with my wife on the beach,, until the ambien wears off and I'm just dragging a mannequin around the Wal-Mart parking lot.

   love screwing with the minds of the foreign telemarketers "Oh my name is Perry, like Terry but with a P as in Pterodactyl."

   Leave it to a collection of random motherf uckers I've never met to make me feel less like shi t, I love you guys

   My mother told me: "alcohol is your worst enemy." Jesus said: "love your enemy." Case closed.

   When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.

   Roses are red, nuts are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it is stiff, stick it in! Not that's a love poem!

   I have an actual date this weekend so if any of you are in love with me, you better say something or forever hold your peace.

   I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.

   I love that you can pee anywhere you want at Wal Mart.

   I love you but I'm not, "I want us to be miserable together," in love with you.

   Love in 2013 means answering each other’s texts immediately.