Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6155 of 6370
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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02-02-2010 16:28 by Octane
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wishes the world was her own personal globe, one good spin and "certain people" would fall off!!!
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02-02-2010 15:52
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Hopes that the "band" Owl-City are driving around in a recalled Toyota.
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02-02-2010 15:08
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I'm not a nag. I'm a motivational speaker.
thinking she got sick from reading all those statuses of others being sick, next time please cover your statuses when you write...Thank you
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02-02-2010 14:25
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heard the Japanese have invented a camera with a shutter so fast that it can actually photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
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02-02-2010 14:02
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I'm not good in relationships.My last relationship ended when I didn't open the car door for her. Instead I just swam up to the surface.
wished I could teach you.... but you cant teach "awesomeness," so just hang out in the back and watch me work!
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02-02-2010 13:00
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Don't get married, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you.
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02-02-2010 12:26 by SLONEY
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born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
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02-02-2010 12:20 by SLONEY
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I like escalators because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You'll never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize that you can still...get up there.
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02-02-2010 11:45 by tomcall
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Joe Biden saw his shadow today. Looks like at least six more weeks of healthcare arguments and accusations.
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02-02-2010 10:47
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thinks that earthquakes might get the wrong impression by us scoring them. Perhaps our invention of the Richter scale has insited them to try harder for a perfect 10!
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02-02-2010 10:44
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I realized 3 VERY deep things today: 1) It's impossible to lick your elbow, 2) No matter how hard you pinch the skin on your elbow, you can't feel it, and 3) You're actually going to try #1and #2!
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02-02-2010 10:36
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It's Groundhog Day. But enough about the school menu.
just got back from getting breakfast at Sonic. Had to park in the handicapped space cuz it was the only 1...............wait..............why is there a handicapped space at Sonic?!?
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02-02-2010 09:22 by Tal
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A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
..5p from every voodoo doll she sells is going towards the Haitian quake relief. The Gordon Brown one is selling like hotcakes..
If I could turn back time I'd slap myself silly the moment I was in Home Depot and thought it was a good idea to buy a padded toilet seat. Never...EVER... get up too quickly from a padded toilet seat
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02-01-2010 22:20
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loves playing "who can use the least amount of toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll" game....
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02-01-2010 22:13
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