Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why is the jeopardy theme song stuck in my head? its giving me a false sense of anxiety...

   Kiss me I'm not Irish

   just had a green beer to celebrate St. Patricks Day... just wish someone had told me that it had been sitting out since new years!!!

   Flavor Flav turns 51 today. He'll spend a quiet day at home, still resting up after a weekend of moving all his clocks forward.

   just told that karma will come back around if I make fun of stupid people...now, I only make fun of rich, goodlooking skinny people!

   All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.

   Found the pot at the end of the rainbow but the Leprechaun somked it!

   Just wondering why I was getting dirty looks from the clerk at the general store at 4am the other night. All I did was purchase Black garbage bags, duct tape, bleech, and latex gloves.

   believes Jimmy Buffet said it best. . . "Why dont we get drunk and screw?" Happy St. Patrick's and Hump Day everyone!!!

   on a dating site and asked if could add the girl to facebook... her response "dont think we are quite there yet" its official facebook is the new 1st base!

   St. Patrick -- one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish.

   would like the PETA people not to have a cow because some people like to eat a good steak.

   riding the escalator the other day, and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half..

   The best part of life is when your family becomes your friends, and your friends become your family.

   Today's Tip: Be kind to your fellow man....remember to courtesy flush.

   I bet Curious George's owner is getting his azz pinched off today for St Patty's Day

   I had a fight with the wife and didn't see her for three days... Then the swelling went down and I could see her out of one eye

   its all fun and games until someone presses charges!

   The richest person is not the one who has the most,while he is the one who needs less.

   St. Patricks Day. The only time of the year when people are proud of having a bit of Irish in them.