santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Santa I'm sorry I was so naughty! Last year I was so good you brought me a Grill! This year I just needed the coal!

   Sooo, the real moral of Rudolph's story is that no one will like you until you have something they want or need? Now that's the Christmas spirit!

   I'm having one of those "can't get my inflatable Santa-in-a-helicopter to stick to the roof of my inflatable manger" mornings.

   I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: "Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read."

   Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is your List of Naughty Girls!

   Due to the coal shortage Santa will be giving Nickelback CD's to all the bad kids this year!

   My grandfather was a wise man, which is probably why every Christmas he only gave me Myrrh.

   tryen to get in the Christmas spirit, but I can't get the damn jar to open!

   Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?

   hacking Santa's NAUGHTYand NICE list!!!!! x-mas is going to be the bomb!!

   We installed a Cain Train around the base of our Christmas tree, but it keeps stopping to hit on the Sugar Plum Fairy ornament.

   According to a recent survey just released this week, one-third of all mall Santa Claus' have had a child urinate in their lap. Even worse, the other two-thirds have urinated in their own laps.

   We must love and respect one another. Except people who decorate Christmas trees with blue lights. They should be waterboarded.

   Santa knocked on my door yelling "Ho, Ho, Ho!" and I told him that your girlfriend doesn't live here.

   Omg.. Why does Lady Gaga look like a skeleton.. Jesus! Its almost Christmas! B!tch is bout 2 months behind!

   Scientific fact: You do in fact have a wonderful Christmas time when you don't hear that awful Paul McCartney song.

   Dear Santa I've been good all year! Ok most of the time. I Mean once in a while. Oh...F*ck it, I'll buy my own sh#t.......

   I just saved a bunch of money on Christmas by switching to single

   I bought my girlfriend a 10lb bag of future diamonds for Christmas...Thank you Kingsford!

   I actually did see mommy kissing Santa Claus. At the mall. I was 8. My dad was pissed.