father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Never date a girl whose father calls her "Princess." Chances are.. she believes it
←Rate | 08-05-2011 20:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father: "I'm the BOSS. I make the rules and run this house, understand?" Daughter: "Why are you whispering daddy?" Father: "I don't want your mother to hear me."
←Rate | 08-15-2011 17:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mother + my father - condom = COOLEST PERSON ALIVE! :-).
←Rate | 08-17-2011 22:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon two young boys are lying in a snow bank outside of church with their pants down. when asked what they were doing they said "father likes a couple cold ones before mass begins"
←Rate | 08-21-2011 16:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife quote of the weekend: "I can't believe Kim Kardashian is making 2 million dollars off her wedding, and all I made was 2 kids and my father really mad." Thanks, honey, it's all been magical for me too...
←Rate | 08-22-2011 13:41 by F Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't that swirling graphic the weather channels show of Irene look like a sonogram? I keep thinking the whole east coast is pregnant... and 'The Situation' is the father
←Rate | 08-27-2011 15:10 by levon Comments (0)  

   messageicon If there's one thing I've learned since becoming a father it's just because the kids say they don't want any bacon, make 2 extra slices, because they are lying.
←Rate | 08-28-2011 12:30 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any fool can be a Father, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy!!
←Rate | 08-29-2011 08:57 by @anikethmendonca Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I told a lie just to earn some money." "Christ will forgive you, remember to put money into the donation box."
←Rate | 09-04-2011 13:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sadly there comes a day in every Father/Son Relationship where your son asserts himself by simply saying "No thank you" when you say "Pull my finger".
←Rate | 09-07-2011 14:01 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father was right up there with Einstein in the Science department...She taught me all about TIME TRAVEL "If you don't behave, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."
←Rate | 09-11-2011 05:49 by Mick F Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Luke, I am your Father...and your Uncle"- Redneck Darth Vader
←Rate | 09-25-2011 03:17 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
←Rate | 09-27-2011 00:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The way I feel when a waiter finally brings my food is probably similar to the excitement of a dude on Maury who just got told he's not the father.
←Rate | 09-28-2011 15:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Going to dress up as Maury Povich for Halloween and visit the hospital delivery room telling the guy he is not the father.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 18:05 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon She was ok with "Who's your daddy?" but I lost her at "I am your father." Once again Star Wars does a number on my sex life.
←Rate | 10-02-2011 06:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon A pregnant prostitute went to a doctor and he asked, “Do you know who the father is?” She replied, “Well, if you ate a can of baked beans, do you know which one made you fart?”
←Rate | 10-05-2011 12:50 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon My family's in the Iron and Steel buisness. My mother irons and my father steals.
←Rate | 10-06-2011 15:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your father never hugged you as a child then Rugby is the perfect sport for you.
←Rate | 10-09-2011 05:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Our Father who art in Saint Louis, Baseball be thy game. Thy will be done, the NL Division will be won, on the field, as well as in the bullpen. Give us this day our bat and our glove, and forgive us our errors, as we forgive those who home-run against us
←Rate | 10-13-2011 14:22 Comments (0)  

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