Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In a world full of coronavirus, I wanna be your sanitizer

   If your getting together with your 10 piece band to make a "Social Distancing Video" I think you've missed the point of social distancing.

   Sometimes people pretend you’re a bad person so they don’t feel guilty for the things they did to you.

   Toxic people be like “Enjoy your day” after they just ruined it

   Running out of ideas for entertainment. Thinking about asking the neighborhood to gather in the street 6' apart and do the Hokey Pokey. After all, that is what it's all about.

   In a world full of coronavirus I wanna be your sanitizer

   Remember when eating tide pods was considered crazy

   Gas so cheap right now I don't even shake the pump after I fill up.

   I'm just sitting here thinking about all of the people from high school that signed my yearbook that I have let down by not "staying cool"

   I hope he is right about sunlight fighting off COVID. I've had sunshine coming out of my butt for years.

   Wonder if I have enough things in my kitchen junk draw to build a rocket ship to get me off this rock?

   My female doctor told me I'm really sweet. Well, she actually said I am severely diabetic but I knew what she meant.

   I'll bet they're busy at Walmart today. Moving all the Clorox and Lysol to the pharmacy section.

   The poor grammar I see displayed on practically every FB post indicates that home schooling is is going to have disastrous results.

   What kind of idiot would think ingesting disinfectant would kill coronavirus? Everyone knows if you buy tons of toilet paper, you're protected from ever getting it, to begin with!

   He also said something about using ultraviolet light inside the body. So I guess Dumbo crats are now shoving flashlights up their butts.

   I am so tired of this virus I'm gonna ask my wife if that offer to smack me all the way into next year is still on the table.

   With this quarantine order, I now understand why my indoor cat tries to run out the back door when it is opened.

   The president is offering cure advice with disinfectant to a country who require NOT FOR RECTAL USE warnings on curling irons

   Some people are so clueless, they couldn't buy a clue at Clue-mart on National Clue Day with a fist full coupons for a free clue.