Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Wats procrastination?. .well I will tell you tomorrow..

   Sometimes, people get caught up in their own self pity/misery that they fail to see what they are doing to the people around who love them

   Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. The Internet in a nutshell.

   wouldn't it be great to be born old and grow to be young???

   if you live in America, you have to read and speak English.. otherwise you better just be visiting."

   hears BP is using a huge upside down funnel in the Gulf of Mexico; suddenly I'm having a deja vu/flashback of the beach I used to visit in the Gulf of Mexico, the funnel, and how I was upside down...

   We girls need to stop making fan pages about guys and get back in the kitchen!

   Anybody have the list of the theme weeks that are on Facebook? I don't want to miss out on "PAROLE OFFICER WEEK" or "PROCTOLOGIST WEEK". Thanks

   Thinks we should get as much Dawn dish liquid as possible and pour into the ocean... Dawn cuts thru oil like nuthin and it's safe for the animals... And then we can hav one hell of a bubble party! It's a win win situation... 

   Remember when someone is annoying it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap the idiot!!

   Thanks to the BP oil spill in the Gulf, fish oil capsule supplements will now come in 3 sizes. 500mg, 1000 mg, and 10-W-30.

   I'm installing plywood doors in my house so I can karate chop them down like a badass when I enter each room.

   So I'm giving up drinking..Hard liquor..On Wednesdays..In June..Next year..(Maybe..)

   found a new place to live...it includes all utilities, free meals, gym, arts & crafts...and my insurance pays for it all...The Nuthouse :o)

   Every time I hear a strange noise at night, I mentally prepare to fight off an intruder. If it's a velociraptor, I'm also totally ready.

   There is always a double standard when strip clubs have 'All You Can Eat' buffets.

   It's called cocaine and you dont want no part of this sh!t...It turns all your bad feelings into good feelings. It's a nightmare

   when you really think about it….life and nature are pretty simple….it's all about finding food, building shelter, and getting some

   I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to

   the trouble with life is there is no background music