Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5936 of 6370
"Old people need to urinate all the time... That's why they call it the golden years"
God couldn't be everywhere, so he created mothers. Happy mothers day!
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05-09-2010 02:11
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Have you ever dreamed you were peeing and thought to yourself in the dream, "Why is this taking so long to stop peeing?" Only to wake up and find your bed sop'n wet?...Me either
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05-09-2010 02:07
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when I was a lil kid I thought picking toys in the toy store was hard, now that I turn 21 picking alcohol in the liquor store is harder.
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05-09-2010 01:44 by drew
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wants to wish everyone a happy Mother's Eve, not to be confused with Summer's Eve... a feminine hygiene product.
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05-08-2010 22:25 by Mike M
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“We don't stop laughing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop laughing”
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05-08-2010 22:11 by mullerman
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If Microsoft made actual windows,our houses would be full of thieves and prostitutes.
wants to write "Navidad" under the "For Lease" sign up the street.
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05-08-2010 20:55
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logged into myspace, felt like I was cheating behind facebook's back
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05-08-2010 20:50
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Please give your Mother's an Extra Big Hug tomorrow for those who can no longer hug theirs here on earth... Cherish the Moment.
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05-08-2010 19:26 by justme
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thinks KFC donating money to breast cancer research is like the mafia giving money to the neighborhood church.
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05-08-2010 16:52
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Im not watching the news anymore, too depressing, I rather watch Forensic Files instead.
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05-08-2010 16:05
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listening to WPMS. They play three weeks of easy listening and one week of ragtime.
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05-08-2010 14:36
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Tase me out to the Ball Game...Tase me out on the field... `cuz its 1 - 2 - 3 seconds `til I am down on the freeeakin` field..
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05-08-2010 13:25
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wants to thank BP for the oil spill in the Gulf.I heard Fish Oil capsules will now come in 3 sizes. 500mg, 1000 mg, and 10-W-30.
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05-08-2010 13:24
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The Old Lie: "The check is in the mail." The New Lie: "I haven't checked my email."
thinks Toyota built the Staten Island Ferry.
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05-08-2010 12:34
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I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his c**k wakes me up, and it is getting too much.
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05-08-2010 10:38 by Mduduzi
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Mother's Day Warning: You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
Not sure which one of you sent them...but the men in the little white coats left empty handed...again....better luck next time....
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05-08-2010 10:23
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