Funny Status Messages

   Dear gigantic flock of birds chirping loudly in the parking lot sh*ting all over my car, There's still more north left... Go annoy Canada...

   I just read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them...

   Someone at work said to me, "Inquiring minds want to know if you have a boyfriend" I said, "Yes, I do, but don't tell my husband."

   If the game doesn't freeze every 6 minutes, then you're not watching FOX.

   I do not have the time to listen to you whine, you melodramatic fool!!

   Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make.

   Dear Facebook, Please stop asking me what's on my mind. I'm gonna get myself in trouble if I keep spilling my guts to you.

   I have a busy day ahead... I have trouble to start; rumors to spread and people to argue with.

   If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

   18.I'd call you a tool, but even THEY serve a purpose.

   11.You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

   1.Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

   If your a Vegetarian to be nice to animals, why are you eating there food

   When I open my eyes every morning I pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only I suffer!!!

   Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

   i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. God I miss college. a moment ago clear

   Something about winning always attracts losers with opinions

   has been told by many I need to watch my language on Facebook. So for everyone that doesn't like my language, "coitus you."

   I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.

   So if someone is born deaf, what language do they think in?